Divorce is similar to death. It is the death of something that used to be wonderful and beautiful. When you get married, you consider yourself to be in love, and you desire to spend the rest of your life with that person. Unfortunately, things may begin to draw a wedge, and there are times when those issues do not get resolved. Nearly 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce is hard not only for the two people involved, but it is also difficult for the families involved. Not all divorces end mutually. Sometimes the two people end up having a strong dislike of one another, and when there are kids, it puts them in the middle.
Divorce takes time, money and energy. It is not an easy thing, especially when assets are involved. Some people sign prenuptial agreements before they even say “I Do.” Those that get prenuptial agreements usually try to protect their money and assets in case their marriage does not work. Paying for lawyers can add up. Divorce is not something that happens overnight. It may take months or years before a divorce is finalized. Divorce takes longer when each person is unable to agree on the terms of the divorce.
Kids make divorce hard. Older kids can make their decisions about who they want to live with. Younger kids usually do not. Some parents desire full custody while others are okay with joint custody. Then child support becomes another issue. Not only that visitation rights is another problem that comes up. The worst thing parents can do is prevent their kids from seeing the other parent out of resentment. A woman or man may be a great mother or father but just a terrible spouse. Their inability to be the spouse you may have wanted them to be should not prevent them from being the parent they can be. Divorce is hard enough on kids, but when a child sees their parents in turmoil, it makes things even harder.
Therapists can be extremely helpful during the divorce process. Talking with a therapist can help make things easier. Therapy should be done not only for the parents but the whole family. Sometimes the couple is so at odds with one another that they ignore others around them. Some couples try therapy before deciding to divorce and it does not work. Although therapy may not have saved your marriage, it does not mean it can’t help you learn how to be divorced. A therapist can teach you how to have an easier transition. Kids already deal with a lot of things. Divorce can make kids have behavior issues. They may also feel withdrawn and unable to open up about their feelings. Seeing a family therapist allows children the opportunity to open up about how they feel with a neutral party present.
Divorce may be a great thing for some couples. Some couples do better as friends than married. In relationships that are volatile, divorce is best. No one should be in a relationship where they are abused or afraid. Having the courage to leave a domestic abuse situation is honorable. So many people do not make it out of that. In situations like this divorce is not death but more like freedom. In other situations, divorce can lead to depression and even addiction. Some people have trouble coping with a failed marriage. In these situations, you may need a therapist to help you recover. Children tend to act out when parents are divorcing. They may start following the wrong crowd or getting into risky behaviors. To help combat these things, it is best to talk it out with someone.
No one should get married with the intention to divorce. People divorce for many different reasons. Some people divorce because of infidelity. Cheating is hard for everyone. Others divorce just because they are not getting along. The constant arguing and bickering make life at home unpleasant. Over the years, people change, and the person you marry may not be the same person after years of marriage. Marriage has a way of showing people’s true colors. It is a selfless covenant. When a “we” mindset turns into an “I” mindset in a marriage, problems tend to happen.
Divorce should never be the first option in marriage. Marriage is worth the fight. It is good to keep your marriage alive. When you feel the fire dying out, you should take steps to rekindle it. Talk about things that hurt or offend you. Do not sweep your emotions under the rug. Be quick to forgive. Holding on to offenses can draw a bigger wedge. Take steps now to prevent divorce. Even marriage counseling before marriage is a good step to take. Take all the necessary steps to prevent divorce in your marriage. Do not let the little things turn your love cold.
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